Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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