can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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