I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
