we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
