does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
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