once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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