i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
