Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
