Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
