Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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