Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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