Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
