don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
