If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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