R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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