and you said cock pushups were impossible
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
