i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
