May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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