White coat. Heels.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
