just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
