I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
