Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
