If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize