barbara walters just said penis...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
