I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
