I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
