i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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