You can't special order awesome
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
