I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
