Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
