I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
