sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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