in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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