he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
