1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
