This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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