Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
