why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The best revenge is premature balding
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
