Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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