Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
