omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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