Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
