You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
