im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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