Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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