just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize