Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This baby is an asshole
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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