**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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