Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
