Will you blow on my dice?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
