I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The air was thick with penises
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
