he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
