so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
