My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
