Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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