Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
