and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
