Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
