What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
