Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize