I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
