fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
