I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
