There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
