I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
