1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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