I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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