The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
