I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
