I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
