I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
