ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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