Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
