she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
